So yeah. That nurse practitioner that I was so happy to have found ended up being a total douche. The first time I saw her was great, the second was turned into an in-and-out, the third… will be the last. She’d had be trying different anti-depressants for Fibromyalgia and each time the side effects were just getting way worse. The last made me suicidal and hallucinate. So when I told her it made me suicidal she had no reaction, when I told her that I’d seen water coming at my face that wasn’t there her eyes got wide and basically everything stopped. She said that due to my “severe” reaction to what she’s been trying me on she’d not do anything else and wanted me to see a psychiatrist, while still seeing my psychologist. She refused to give a migraine shot after Cy asked since I’d had a migraine for about a week, saying she was afraid of what it would do… um hello I’ve had several… and instead she wanted me to see a neurologist. She left the room and he said “she thinks it’s all in your head.” Yeah I manifested the stroke, bitch.

I didn’t want to give up hope and was gonna just do what she said. They called the next day with my appointment for KRCC to try to see a psychiatrist and told me to apply for a medical card because the neurologist wants 200 dollars just to walk into the office. I went to my KRCC appointment and handed the referral over. She’d lied to me for the reason she wanted me there. It didn’t say anything about helping with medication, it said “psychosis.” That was the point that I’d decided to not fool with her again ’cause I don’t need someone who’s gonna lie to me. Then it turns out that my appointment was with a social worker and I got bitched out because “this is a MENTAL health facility” and they don’t even have a psychiatrist there. It’s a social worker and another nurse.

I still tried it. I sat there and attempted talking to the moron just to get a couple words out and be cut off. He told me the last medication made me suicidal because I was already suicidal (wrong) and that I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Since the things I told him had started happening in my earliest memories – my crib – I asked if a clown yelled boo too loud and left. If I was suicidal my psychologist would have had me committed… and I see him weekly.

Not wanting to give up completely I found my way to the community services building. I talked to a woman behind the window, saying “I was told to apply for a medical card, I’d like to see what I’m eligible for.” It’s ridiculous when someone shorter than you looks down their nose at you, literally. She snapped some questions at me and was all bitchy, to the point I cried on my way to the car. It wasn’t just because of her attitude though really, it’s just that there’s no way in hell I can fork up the 200 for the appointment that I really need… and I guess just everything else hit.

Cy and I went to the AT&T store because I was really wanting to upgrade to an iPhone. I had seen a rebate thing that made them pretty cheap and actually affordable, thinking it would be my Christmas present. That didn’t work out either. We had to cut my visit with my mom short because it started snowing, and the roads were horrible by the time we got home. Within half an hour of getting home our power went out, taking with it our heat, phone, net, and eventually our water. It was out for a week. No joke. With it so cold we could see our breath, with it so cold that my cats litter box would steam when he used it.

That was without a doubt a horrible day, and a week without power just sort of made it stretch out forever. Yay for getting power back Christmas Eve.

Now I just need to find a doctor at another clinic with a sliding scale… one who actually tries to help.