Yes, I’ve moved back to being hosted by Whitney. I love having a reseller but can’t take the price (though I do think that it’s reasonable for what you get) and with as much as I love having a cPanel it’s just not what I need now. I logged in maybe once in the month I had it. So Whit had offered to host me again when I said something about having to cancel my reseller and I took her up on the offer.
The last time I blogged I was talking about my panic attacks and how much anxiety I had because Cyrus had been sent out of state by Lowe’s to help with inventory. I do know that three days is nothing to a lot of people, just as I know that some people have to go months on end without hearing from their loved ones while they’re sent somewhere far more dangerous than Claypool Hill Virginia. I don’t have the kind of strength that kind of stress would require. I’m doing good to make it through the hours he’s at work… I just don’t do well on my own anymore at all.
Those days were hell, to be honest. I had problems with Sadey the first day… she went out alright for me but wouldn’t come in. I had stuff in Hazard that I had to do so I ended up leaving. I hadn’t even gotten onto the highway out of Hindman when Cy was calling. “I have good news. Missy’s going to be taking care of Sadey so you don’t have to do anything.” I started bawling. “That would have been nice to know before I spent two hours trying to get her in. I told you guys she wouldn’t come in for me and now she’s missing.” All in all I was told to not worry about it because she’d not go far, and sure enough when I got home she was outside barking at me to let her in. I guess she’s more afraid of thunderstorms than people. Within the next few days though she warmed up to me and will even come over for me to pet her now.
His third day away (which was his trip home) would have been fine if the weather hadn’t been so horrible. I only had enough internet connection for my twitter fox – oddly – so Chenoa was keeping up with weather updates and letting me know what was going on through there when my satellite was out. I thought he was driving right through the worst of it but it turns out he was able to completely bipass the whole thing.
Really I’m realizing that I’m probably always going to have a sense of doom hanging over my head. He leaves to go to work and I’m overcome with anxiety that something’s going to happen to keep him from coming home. He gets home safe and sound just for me to dread when he goes to work in case he gets hurt or something. There’s always this feeling that everything’s falling apart because in all actuality for me it always is. The newest example is my car crapping out. We finally got it in my name, got insurance on it, tags up to date… he drove it to work and I had to go get him because it died. It’s been stuck in the parking lot at Lowe’s for a few days now.